So, you're dead. Shame, that.
But on the other hand, it's actually kind of nice.
When you "wake" in some odd version of it, you'll find yourself lying on a rather plush bed. It's cozy and warm and just soft enough to tempt anyone back into sleep. The room is equally nice, if small, and when you turn and open the curtains to look out the window, you will see... wait, is that the town?
It is, actually. The town is laid out quite simply across the window and no matter how many times you may bang or wave through the window, no one seems to notice you. If you're smart enough to give up the venture and leave the small bedroom, you will notice that, of course, you are on the train.
The train that, is actually pretty fancy.
Moving through it, past the sleeping cabins and through to the main carts, you will find a dining car with fine dishware and meals of all kinds made at a push of a button or a request given to the air. They'll appear, freshly made and ready to eat at the table of your choice with any drink you could want. There truly doesn't seem to be any limits when it comes to the luxury of the meal.
There is also a bathhouse car with private bathrooms and saunas to fit up to four. Even one rather large room containing a small pool/hot tub of sorts is available for just about anyone to take a dip. It's kind of outlandish, honestly.
Then the lounge car, with its library and plush armchairs and couches. A pool table, a darts board, even a small area dedicated to painting. There's a bar too, fully stocked and ready for anyone who needs a drink. All it would require is a request from the bartender who... looks surprisingly familiar?
The Sheriff is there, much cleaner cut than his counterpart outside of the train. He looks up mildly at any arrivals, giving them a nod of greeting before going back to organizing bottles or setting cigars out for a smoke. He doesn't seem to be surprised at all by anyone who appears. Just... ready to serve them, whatever they may wish.
It all sort of seems okay for a moment, until you realize you're just here to wait for the game to end. Awkward. |
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sheriffexe) wrote2017-01-13 11:14 am
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Why are you looking at me like that?
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[ god. she's not good at this shit either. she can surmise some things, but she worries about overstepping her bounds and making stupid leaps of logic. ]
... do you know for sure that he likes you too?
[ why else. would she. not have to worry about it ]
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I'm... pretty sure, yeah.
[Somehow.]
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[ she sounds relieved. whether for natalie's sake or for knowing she doesn't have to beat up jason todd is a tossup ]
I'm ... really glad.
[ with a little smile. though ... her expression turns somewhat more wistful and she glances away. ]
... we'll get everyone here. We'll all go home. I ... really want to believe in that.
[ her voice and her face are complicated things here. bittersweet determination might be the best possible description. ]
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[She rubs slow circles on the back of Xion's palm with her hand (which she now has two of shut up I knew that) in an attempt to be comforting.]
You're a good kid, you know that?
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Xion will blink up at her, not ... really sure what to make of that. She will go a bit pink, flustered, before kinda ... looking away, leaning her head on Natalie's shoulder as she does so. ]
I...
[ ... ]
I think all I ever wanted was to be with my friends. I don't really know if that makes me "good" or not.
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It's not what you want that makes you good or bad, I think. It's what you do, and... You did so much to protect everyone. I'm proud of you, you know?
[Then, she sombers.]
...I'm sorry that it came to this, though.
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She doesn't voice her doubts. Whatever could be said of her efforts, she did work hard, and she feels sure Natalie worked harder. She doesn't have it in her to bring all of that up now and make Natalie have to comfort her. The mere idea feels selfish beyond belief. ]
There's nothing you have to be sorry for. [ Gives her hand a squeeze. ] The only people to blame are really ... the Sheriff's employers, whoever they are. We never did find out, did we?
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Do you want me to tell you?
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Then she bursts out laughing. It's not ... a happy sound, but not a miserable sound either. Mostly she just sounds exhausted in the kind of way that no amount of sleep could ever fix.
Of course Natalie knows the answer. Of course there is an answer. It's probably a stupid answer. ]
Does it even matter? [ is her quiet question in return, soft and sad and, in the end, embittered to her core. ]
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No, it doesn't.
[It does.]
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To be honest, this may be something Natalie already knows. Xion had a tendency to wake up gasping when she tried to sleep. It was one of the reasons she slept so little, in the final weeks. ]
I'd see heads everywhere. Yours, Jason's, Percy's, Jason's ... and of course Riku's. Everyone I cared about. But now, since I've gotten on the train, my nightmares are of how I died.
[ There's a shiver to all her words. ]
It's all their fault. The people who started this, and I don't even know who they are. And to be honest, I ... I don't think I even care.
[ It's weird to say. She spent so long dwelling on that answer. ]
You know what I really care about? Getting out of here with you guys and never looking back.
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While she doesn't know what to say, exactly, so she borrows words that have been helping her along for the past few days, with a silent thank you to Percy.]
Think of everything you want to do when we get there. Dream about it. It'll keep us going until the end.
i do not know why i said jason's twice, i guess i can't type
Something in her chest goes a little tight, and she tries very hard to ignore it. ]
... I don't really know what you can do in a big city. [ she smiles, gentle. ] But I'm looking forward more than anything to finding out. This is ... the first time I won't have to hide away from people and keep them from seeing me. It'll be like ... being normal.
[ Xion tilts her head as she looks away again, her contemplative gaze settling on the floor. ]
I always wanted to ask you about what your world was like. And now I can tell you all about mine, too.
pats
We may just have a brand new happy home today... But what the hell do happy families do?
When she thinks about the fact that she might be able to find out after all this is over, her chest feels tight as well. New city. New life. Not necessarily a new her, but a version of herself she's never known, one that's surrounded by people who care about her.
Pretty cool, she thinks.]
I'll tell you everything you want to know, but honestly, I'm more curious about what your place was like.
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What is a life without specific goals? Or rather ... what is a life with goals you yourself create? It feels impossible. She worries, quietly, that she'll have to rely on the others too much to figure it out.
When Natalie says she wants to know, it's actually sort of a relief. Maybe if she can explain, then ... then it'll -- it'll at least make sense when she understands nothing about how the world is supposed to work.
Xion will shift a little, one of her hands curling and uncurling in her lap, a nervous gesture. ]
... small. My world was called ... The World That Never Was.
[ ... cheery! ]
I lived there all my life, though it's not where I was created. That's where the Organization was. Organization XIII... [ Xion will stare up and away, thoughtful. ] They're the people who made me. I worked for them as long as I was alive, until I decided to run away for good. The World That Never Was ... it was dark, all the time. There wasn't any sun in the sky, and it was never day there. Just a moon. And the city around our castle was full of monsters.
[ ... ]
It wasn't normal, [ she murmurs softly. ] Though, I never knew that until I started talking to people here, and their worlds were so much bigger and so different.
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She would never have considered her life before this normal. It's what she's wanted and craved, yes, but never attained. Every day she spends here, though, she's beginning to realize that her frame of reference for "normal" is so far removed from the places other people have come from. Really, this conversation only reinforces that, but her heart twists in - not pity, but sympathy.
While she'll never understand, she thinks, the kind of loneliness Xion must have faced, she knows how a lesser degree of that same emotion has shaped her own life. And... A place that's always dark, a place full of monsters. Suddenly, everything about this girl starts to make sense, and it's heartbreaking.
She knows, however, that it's unwise to let too much of that slowly mounting horror and concern show on her face. The last thing she wants is for Xion to be concerned about how she'll feel, hearing this news. That's why, before anything else, she starts with:]
...I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me.
[Genuine and soft. But... God, it's so hard to know what to say to everything else she's brought forward, whether to reassure her that where they're going will be nothing like that or to let her get everything out.
In the end, there's a warmth in her chest at the thought that she's trusted enough to hear about something like this, so... Maybe it will be good for her to speak about it. There is, of course, a measure of hesitation in her voice; she doesn't want to push too hard for fear she'll make her uncomfortable.]
What did they make you for?
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It does pain her, just a little, to think of the one person she took the most time to explain all this to. But, well, if she's lucky, she'll never speak to him again, anyway. ]
Of course I do, [ is what she says, with the tiniest smile. ] We're best friends, duh.
[ Duh.
She never did quite get over Natalie saying it like it was just so obvious.
The question doesn't seem to place any undue stress on her. Xion just kind of looks thoughtful. Talking about what she was, why she was made, has only ever bothered her insofar as she assumed anyone who learned the truth would think she was a monster. Without that, talking about her life just kind of makes her feel ... maybe a little sad.
Xion lifts a hand, extending it out in front of her with fingers splayed. Nothing happens, and she curls her fingers and lets her hand drop. ]
I was like a weapon, [ she explains, with only thoughtfulness coloring her voice. ] I'm something called a Replica. A clone, I guess. I was made to copy my best friend's powers, and ... through him, steal someone else's memories. I didn't know I was doing any of it ... not until it was too late to stop. It's just how I was made.
[ In her lap, Xion turns her palm up. Back in the black coat in which she arrived in this town, her hand is gloved again. It feels familiar and troubling at once. ]
The Organization wanted to use me to fulfill their goals. And for a long time, I did it without really questioning anything. But the memories I had didn't make any sense ... since they were never mine. I wanted to know who I was ... why I was alive. So I ran away.
[ A sigh through her nose. ] I ran away a couple times, but they'd always catch me, in the end.
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Still, there are two things that are clear to her. The first is that, idly, she realizes she wants to make everyone who has hurt this girl pay. The second is that, well...]
They're all idiots. You're so much more than anything they thought you were.
[It's important to state. Xion is far from just a replica or a clone to her. She's a girl who broke her foot slamming it through floorboards to save her, a girl who showed no hesitation to hold her when she was soaking wet, a girl who said she wanted to live.
But, she feels as though the story isn't done.]
What happened next?
kingdom hearts is bullshit: the saga
It's amazing. Thinking of Xemnas and Saix and Xigbar and everyone who used to look at her with such disgust and contempt, who used to look at her with a predatory gleam like someday she'd give them deliverance if they just used the tool in their hands the right way--
Hearing someone call them "idiots," simple as you please, is something of a revelation.
In the end Xion has to give her head a quick shake, and that mostly banishes the smile that had flashed across her face. The compliment she can't quite process, because it's still so hard for her to believe - harder, now, knowing how much of her new self-confidence came from a complete psychopath. But she won't gainsay Natalie's word, and that's progress in and of itself. ]
You really want to know, huh?
[ Just soft, kind of curious in itself. It's still weird to be cared about. ]
... actually, that's why I know Riku. The Organization wanted me to take him out, but he beat me. Later, when I ran away, he helped me. I was gone for a long time, trying to decide what to do... and he kept me safe while I was trying to make up my mind.
[ You want to go back?
A breath. This is where the story goes from bad to worse. ]
You know what I said, about copying my best friend's powers? Eventually, it got really bad. He was getting weak. If I'd kept going, eventually, he would've...
[ ... ]
And the person whose memories I was stealing... he's really important. He's, like ... the only one who can save all the worlds! [ She gestures, her eyes bright. Somehow, even now, the mere thought of Sora can enrapture her. There's no bitterness there. ] So, to save them both, I ... had to go away.
[ A sigh. ]
A lot of things went wrong after that. I tried to run away one more time, but I got caught, and...
[ She's only managed to really tell this story to a single person. Someone she thought ... wouldn't hold it against her, even if they thought she was a despicable person. ]
My best friend... I made him kill me. That's how I died.
[ Xion's gaze is somewhere far away, not seeing the ceiling of the train compartment even though she's staring right at it. ]
That's actually the last thing I remember before coming here. That's ... the whole story.
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[She makes sure to clarify that first. The last thing she wants is for Xion to feel pressured, pushed into divulging anything that she may not want to. For the rest of the story, though, she stays silent and listens.
When it ends, though she feels a deep concern and horror over everything this girl has been through, there's a budding pride inside her as well. It's difficult to imagine how difficult it must have been, raised as a weapon, held somewhere against her will, having no option in the end but her own death. But to have her sitting here, saying she wants to live, and that she'd fight for her own life... It's incredible, she thinks. Xion is incredible.
Reaching out carefully to run her hand through Xion's hair affectionately, she smiles softly, her voice gentle.]
You're one of the strongest people I've ever met, you know? [A pause.] But... I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you, here or there.
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[ With soft but stunned disbelief. Yes, sure, she's come to want to live. But she also had a major crisis over that decision feeling selfish beyond belief, that she'd choose her own life over the wellbeing, the lives, of countless untold people that Sora could save. She's still not even sure - if she can ask the Sheriff for a reward, if he can let her live while still letting Sora wake - she knows the possibility exists that she'll still have to give up.
What about any of this makes her strong? What about feeling terrified and hollowed out and unspeakably selfish makes her strong? What about her life - a life of constant failure, of mistakes she couldn't stop herself making, of forcing her own best friend to kill her because she couldn't even die properly - ... makes her strong?
Xion doesn't really seem to know what to say. When she realizes the words aren't coming she shuts her mouth, her jaw working. Even that hair ruffle gets a kind of muted reaction, Xion slightly ducking her head but not otherwise trying to stop her. ]
... maybe, [ is what she says in the end, very soft. Maybe if she'd been smarter. Maybe if she'd been better.
Natalie probably doesn't want to hear her say something like that, though. ]
... what about you, Natalie? What was your world like?
[ She thinks, probably, that it wasn't great, if Natalie has no plans at all to return. But she still wants to know, provided Natalie wants to say. ]
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It makes her sore all the same, but for now, Xion gets a nod with the same unwavering smile.]
Yeah, you. One hundred percent.
[Her world, though... In a way, it's more difficult to talk about. It was much vaster than Xion's. The problem was never the world itself, but the space she occupied within it; a place she has felt trapped, held back, for many years. If she had a word to describe her life, it would be lonely, she thinks.
There's a certain guilt in admitting this when the girl next to her has been speaking of situations so much more dire and hopeless than anything she's faced. She has to wonder, however, if that guilt is masking the ever present fear of vulnerability that she carries with her. What if it's simply an excuse to hide? Chewing on her lip, she thinks about the immense amount of belief it must have taken Xion to tell her everything, and how touched she is by the fact that she's trusted enough to know.
In a way, isn't it selfish not to reciprocate that honor?]
It wasn't as fucking awful as yours, but I don't think it was very good, either.
[It is the only way she knows how to start.]
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But, well,
she's learned to love and she's learned to want to live, so maybe that's all that matters. For Xion, everything she's gone through in this town from day one means this:
She, after a few short breaths and one long sigh, accepts that. She struggles to believe it, but if Natalie believes it of her, if she really thinks that, then ... maybe she can believe in that, if not in herself. It's why she says: ]
Okay.
[ With this incredibly tender little smile that almost might not be a smile at all it's so hard to see. But it's there, beneath her creased brow, and it's got all her love.
Trying to breathe around the swell in her chest that she can't put a name to, Xion nudges Natalie with her shoulder. ]
... I'm sure our worlds are really different. But ... [ she looks thoughtful. ] If it was hard, I still want to support you. You don't have to tell me, but ... I definitely want to know, if it's okay, because ...
[ i want to tell you that you're strong, too ]
You mean a lot to me. And best friends support each other, right?
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Focus, she tells herself, even as she feels her heart start to pound. Where to begin...? The obvious answer is to talk about her brother, her parents, how she's lived beneath a vast and shapeless shadow her entire life. She could talk about the problems she has trusting people, or she could explain how she has lived her entire life fearing that what happened to her mother will, in turn, happen to her.
Insanity.
As the word emerges in her mind, it brings back the barely restrained thoughts of the first person here who earned this story. With those thoughts come a realization that she has been trying to fight against for days. That very thing she's been fearing for years has already occurred, hasn't it?
It is nothing more than my guess and intuition, but I believe it will come from your hands. However, are you killing me because you want to survive? Or are you killing me because you find that I've betrayed your trust?
Dully, she realizes he was right to suspect her all along. There must have been some sign in her that he, as twisted and horrible as he is, was able to witness. After all, what kind of person looks down at the body of someone they once cared about, the body of someone they themselves killed, and feels, among the horror and the regret and the self loathing, a pervading and enduring sense of relief? Certainly not the kind of person who can rightfully call themselves sane.
For years, she has worried that the anger that burns through her like a fever has been a symptom of some deeper malady, but now she sees the truth, she thinks. She is the disease; she is the poison. The word that has been echoing, pounding through her head for days seems to scream louder than ever. Murderer, murderer, murderer.
All at once, she realizes that once she had him on the ground, she simply could have walked around him and aimed for his head. Instead, bullet after bullet after bullet, none of them piercing his heart. What a disgusting person she is.
Lost in her thoughts, she is quiet for a long moment before she recalls that Xion is still sitting next to her.]
Oh, um... [Say something, she tells herself.] Nothing wrong with the world itself, I guess. Just - my family.
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