So, you're dead. Shame, that.
But on the other hand, it's actually kind of nice.
When you "wake" in some odd version of it, you'll find yourself lying on a rather plush bed. It's cozy and warm and just soft enough to tempt anyone back into sleep. The room is equally nice, if small, and when you turn and open the curtains to look out the window, you will see... wait, is that the town?
It is, actually. The town is laid out quite simply across the window and no matter how many times you may bang or wave through the window, no one seems to notice you. If you're smart enough to give up the venture and leave the small bedroom, you will notice that, of course, you are on the train.
The train that, is actually pretty fancy.
Moving through it, past the sleeping cabins and through to the main carts, you will find a dining car with fine dishware and meals of all kinds made at a push of a button or a request given to the air. They'll appear, freshly made and ready to eat at the table of your choice with any drink you could want. There truly doesn't seem to be any limits when it comes to the luxury of the meal.
There is also a bathhouse car with private bathrooms and saunas to fit up to four. Even one rather large room containing a small pool/hot tub of sorts is available for just about anyone to take a dip. It's kind of outlandish, honestly.
Then the lounge car, with its library and plush armchairs and couches. A pool table, a darts board, even a small area dedicated to painting. There's a bar too, fully stocked and ready for anyone who needs a drink. All it would require is a request from the bartender who... looks surprisingly familiar?
The Sheriff is there, much cleaner cut than his counterpart outside of the train. He looks up mildly at any arrivals, giving them a nod of greeting before going back to organizing bottles or setting cigars out for a smoke. He doesn't seem to be surprised at all by anyone who appears. Just... ready to serve them, whatever they may wish.
It all sort of seems okay for a moment, until you realize you're just here to wait for the game to end. Awkward. |
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sheriffexe) wrote2017-01-13 11:14 am
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For now, though, she skips over to the nearest table, setting her hands down on it.]
Watch this! [And she takes a big deep breath, and declares at the empty space in front of her:] Chocolate cake, please!
[And when a chocolate cake just appears on the table, she grins like an idiot at him.]
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It's so stupid.
At this point, stupidity might as well be what he needs. Look at how far being "smart" got him, after all.]
Like I said, you're going to get fat.
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[it's not a picnic but!! still!!!]
Or you can pick something else, 'cause it'll work with any food you can think of!
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It works with drinks, too, so we can both get fancy sodas or something instead.
[or booze tbh. she won't judge him]
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... Fancy sodas? Is this what you're getting your joy from now?
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[... Frankly, he does want to just. Not exist for a while. Possibly forever.
The only thing keeping him up is the awareness that if there's anything he can do, he should do it—except there's nothing, which frustrates him all the more. Pragmatically, he should still be on guard, just in case, but...
Well, it doesn't matter. His life isn't just his own, so he can't be so selfish as to close his eyes and ignore everything. He's known that for years now.
... Though he's still not sure if he feels like taking advantage of fancy sodas and spending time with people.]
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If you're tired, a nap might not be a bad idea, but I don't think you'd be very happy if you just slept for so long.
[It's all of the nothing that gets to her, too, not in a way that makes her want to lie down and just stop for a while, but instead like she could burst out of her own skin. She can't do anything to help from here (can't do anything to help at all), barely has anything to just pass the time with—worst of all is being so far from her friends, enduring an empty room, and even that's not as bad as this being the way they come back to each other.]
And I don't think I'd be the only one who'll be sad if you just disappear like that.
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[Like Yuna, he failed everyone. Even with a role... did anything he do amount to anything? Looks like the answer to that is no.
(Aren't he and Yuna just licking each other's wounds?)
If anything, it just feels like he screwed up everything he tried, especially knowing the end of it all—nothing. Shot to death for completely impersonal reasons (and dying alone in blackness; the thought makes him bitter for reasons he can't identify), and waking up to realize that he'd been working towards an impossible goal all along.
Maybe it would've been better if he'd killed his heart and went after others, like one was supposed to in this game. No, it probably would've been better. Instead, he tried to play the part of the hero, even knowing he was never any good at it. If he had managed to help a single person, it would've been worth it—he would accept being an idiot, a soft-hearted idealist—but...
In the end, he really is nothing but trash, huh?
... It's a surprise at first when he feels wetness at his eyes (his now undamaged eyes, but he'd prefer life over this). And then, his next thought: Why am I crying?
Ha, haha.
His part is over, if he ever had one. It's up to Percy and the others. They don't need him; they probably won't miss him either.
He doesn't know why the idea leaves an aching hole in his chest.]
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The words die in her throat when she sees him crying.
And she's struck so deeply by the horrific unfairness of it all—she will blame herself before her tenets, know that she didn't succeed because she didn't try hard enough, but Shinnosuke has worked so hard, has wanted to do good, has pushed through all that's happened here, and here's what's become of it all: nothing. Her failures are no one's but her own, but there's a burning sort of hurt low in her chest at the thought of how much her friend didn't, doesn't deserve to be left like this. Were they ever even given a chance?]
Shinnosuke-kun...
[She thinks, a little distantly, of Karin; Now that there's nothing left to fight, I don't have a way to fit in anymore. I thought the Hero Club wouldn't need someone like me. Yuna wants to thank her when she sees her again, for being her friend. For teaching her how to be Shinnosuke's.
(She wants to see Karin again. She wants to go home.)
Yuna stands a little straighter, her voice coming clearer.]
Hero Club tenet. If you're troubled, talk to someone.
[And—she doesn't know what else to do but this. She steps forward, and carefully, a little insistently, pulls him into a hug.]
Even if you can't call them friends yourself, there are lots more people who you're really important to than I think you realize.
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This is humiliating. Showing weakness in front of anyone always is.
And yet he still doesn't pull away.]
... Then they're idiots. Idiots who're probably just tired in this place...
[Clinging to whomever they can.
He doesn't know if he'll ever truly understand. He cultivated his personality to be one that would be hated—someone that no one else would ever care about. (So that he wouldn't have to care about them back.) He's an insufferable jerk, and when he's not, he's making amateurish mistakes due to his softness.
It's not even how it was with Shiro and the others, who kept telling him that he was a nice guy because he saved their lives. He's saved no one here, after all. They don't have that excuse. It doesn't make any sense.
Ergo, all that Shinnosuke can conclude is that they're morons.
And that, as much as he might want to deny, he's no better.
Because he knows. He's always known that he doesn't need love or friendship. "Happiness" is irrelevant to him. All he needs is his goal: to save Saki. No matter how what else he has to reject, no matter how low he has to fall (but he's already found his limits, hasn't he?), he should focus on that and that alone.
So it pisses him off beyond belief that even knowing all that, a sense of warmth (desperation?) still spreads through him over the idea that he might be important to anyone besides his sister. Damn it, damn it, damn it.
Everything he's feeling right now—they're pointless emotions. His self-loathing, his loneliness, his gratitude... They'll only serve to distract him. He needs to discard them.
But he can't, and so, what does he do now?]
... I hate you all.
[He wishes he did.]
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No, you don't.
[By now, he should know he can't lie to her so easily, but she won't let him even pretend to think he's fooled her, not for a moment. Her voice stays steady and certain.]
The world is full of sad and painful things, and you won't be able to handle them by yourself. No one can. If you keep the friends who care about you close to your heart, though, they'll help you through it all and keep you strong. [She can say this so easily, even now. Despite everything, Yuna still believes this with all her heart.] And they'll be grateful that you do the same, too.
[There is half a moment where she starts to loosen her embrace, just a little, but—she doesn't let him go. She doesn't want to.]
I'm an idiot, and I know that already, so you can tell me that all you want, but I still meant it when I said I loved you. No matter what, you're important to me.
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Because... you were also Yuna's friend, Milla had told him as to why she wished to understand him. You also can't control when people worry about you, Shinnosuke.
I told you, it's things like thinking about the people who are important to me that keep me strong, Yuna had told him a long time ago—what feels like a long time ago. In a way, it's reassuring that she's saying the same things, even now.
(I want you to be able to do your best and I want you to be safe and well here.)
He didn't expect a repeat of their conversation, especially in this context. But that's how life works, he supposes. They both failed: he couldn't keep Yuna safe, and she couldn't protect him either. They both died meaningless deaths.
And yet, he knows what she's saying to be true. Now, all he has left is his faith in the others—and it disgusts him that he's thinking this way, but he can no longer change his mind. He believes in the allies he's made. He might even be able to call them friends; he doesn't know.
It's terrifying, to let go. To accept that he has to leave this all in someone else's hands.
Maybe he would've been happier if he'd holed himself up on the train and refused to see anyone. He wouldn't have to deal with the likes of Yuna then. He wouldn't have to feel this way.
In spite of that, he doesn't know if he regrets being in her arms right now. Not for the first time, it's so, so tempting to let himself be an ordinary seventeen-year-old for once, and to not be afraid of being loved.]
Idiot. [He repeats, for good measure.] ... I wish you'd stop seeing through me.
[...]
The feeling might be mutual, I guess.
[To be honest, he still doesn't entirely understand how it feels to have someone important to him, besides his sister. But he recalls the hollowness he felt when he heard that Yuna died (he couldn't see her corpse; none of it felt real), and so, he realizes that... ah.
That's what that means, isn't it?]
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It takes her that half-moment, and she laughs lightly against Shinnosuke's shoulder, and squeezes him tight again before she starts to back up. She doesn't let go of him yet, but she does put enough space between them that she can look up at him, and—not that Yuna doesn't almost always have some kind of stupid grin on her face, but she's positively beaming.]
I'm really happy to hear you say that. [Might and guess might not be much to anyone else, but she sees right through him, and they mean the world to her.] I really, really am!
[Yuna has meant every word she ever said; I want you to be able to do your best, I won't give up on you, I love you. She meant If we cooperate, and we keep each other as comfortable as we can, we'll be ready for whatever happens and I think you want to do good. Remembering Karin, cold and sharp but wishing she could be better, never having the support and strength to make that come true, Yuna could never just leave Shinnosuke on his own, either.
She's happiest if she's helped, if someone else is happy. If Shinnosuke is willing to open up to her, to let her stay by his side and support him, if he'll put his trust in her even now—that's all she could ask for. If he's a little stronger for it, then so is she.
This time, she's failed. Still, she has no room for regret. Next time, she'll do better. Her strength is in the people she loves and she's certain of that now more than ever.]
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He'll never be able to smile like that again.
If Yuna still can, though... in a way, that's one of the most heartening things he's witnessed yet in this place. Though Shinnosuke still finds it naive, reckless, and a path liable to end in failure (as it already has; he's no better, though), he knows.
People like Yuna are what make the world worth fighting for. And it gives him hope, however dim and unwanted, that if she can make it through everything and retain her light, then maybe, just maybe, he'll find his own once again.
He's never given much thought about what he'll do after he saves his sister. Stay by her side, ideally, but in the back of his mind, he's aware that he no longer has any concept of living normally. He may not even be able to be Saki's big brother anymore, when all that's left is a monster standing in her brother's place.
It's fine, because he doesn't care what he is so long as she's saved. He never intended to be happy. He can't have something like that now, and even after... well, it's just an afterthought.
But looking at Yuna now, it makes him wonder if finding happiness for himself isn't so unreachable.
His mouth twitches, his expression wry.]
Okay, that's a few too many "really"s there.
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[oh boy here we go]
I'm really, really happy! [She lets him go so she can hold her arms out wide, grinning.] I'm really, really, really happy! [Eyes shining, she clenches her hands into determined fists beside her.] I'm really, really, really, really, really, really happy!
[Leave it to Yuna to literally die and still manage six "really"s in a row. She loves this asshole. She's thrilled.]
If I had something better to say than "happy," I would, but that's all I've got, so I'll just have to use more "really"s instead!
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Stop that. Now.
[... He's touched. He really is. Really, really, even.]
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[she's
not stopping.]
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[He just stares. Still waiting, Yuna.]
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[nope. still going
she's graduating to looking baffled instead now though]
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Mmph mmon't you let me tell yoouuuu—
[pppause, like she needs a second to realise she's talking audibly now]
...What was that for?
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