[ GRAVEYARD ]

[sheriffexe]

GRAVEYARD

So, you're dead. Shame, that. But on the other hand, it's actually kind of nice. When you "wake" in some odd version of it, you'll find yourself lying on a rather plush bed. It's cozy and warm and just soft enough to tempt anyone back into sleep. The room is equally nice, if small, and when you turn and open the curtains to look out the window, you will see... wait, is that the town? It is, actually. The town is laid out quite simply across the window and no matter how many times you may bang or wave through the window, no one seems to notice you. If you're smart enough to give up the venture and leave the small bedroom, you will notice that, of course, you are on the train. The train that, is actually pretty fancy. Moving through it, past the sleeping cabins and through to the main carts, you will find a dining car with fine dishware and meals of all kinds made at a push of a button or a request given to the air. They'll appear, freshly made and ready to eat at the table of your choice with any drink you could want. There truly doesn't seem to be any limits when it comes to the luxury of the meal. There is also a bathhouse car with private bathrooms and saunas to fit up to four. Even one rather large room containing a small pool/hot tub of sorts is available for just about anyone to take a dip. It's kind of outlandish, honestly. Then the lounge car, with its library and plush armchairs and couches. A pool table, a darts board, even a small area dedicated to painting. There's a bar too, fully stocked and ready for anyone who needs a drink. All it would require is a request from the bartender who... looks surprisingly familiar? The Sheriff is there, much cleaner cut than his counterpart outside of the train. He looks up mildly at any arrivals, giving them a nod of greeting before going back to organizing bottles or setting cigars out for a smoke. He doesn't seem to be surprised at all by anyone who appears. Just... ready to serve them, whatever they may wish. It all sort of seems okay for a moment, until you realize you're just here to wait for the game to end. Awkward.

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Comments

[court_chesster]

Of course he did.

All right, one last question and then I'll get out of your hair. Is there any way, perhaps with your help, that somebody in this train could, say... impede, sabotage, or otherwise generally harm the good Sir Barnham? I'm asking for a friend.

[sheriffexe]

Why would you want to sabotage him when he's helping you? He's your best shot at heading home.

[court_chesster]

If that's true, then I want to hurt him as much as humanly possible. Kill me once, shame on him, kill me twice, shame on me.

[sheriffexe]

You haven't been paying a lot of attention, have you?

[court_chesster]

Not since I died, admittedly, but I know better than to trust somebody who's already murdered me.

[sheriffexe]

Moron. If everyone dies and the last person picks the go home option, everyone goes where they want to go. Even places where they aren't going to die or aren't dead. You could literally return to a world where no one knows about your crimes but if you too caught up in being petty and childish, then don't waste my time. I'm here to deliver information, not coddle.

[alcobrawlic]

Look, can you maybe not screw up the chance to get out of here for all of us? Yourself included?

[court_chesster]

Excuse me if I don't want to trust that role to somebody who has already actively decided that I don't deserve to live.

[alcobrawlic]

Well, we can punch him together when he dies too.

[ she sure just said that without missing a beat. ]

But at this point, he's literally the only hope we have.

[court_chesster]

Then we have no hope. People who pretend to have convictions are the most vicious backstabbers of all.

[alcobrawlic]

Then do nothing, that's fine. But we're all getting out of here, and tampering with that isn't going to earn you any allies here.

[court_chesster]

[ Putting his hands up in a half-hearted gesture of surrender. ]

Fair enough! I suppose there's technically a nonzero chance that it might serve his ego to let us live.

[alcobrawlic]

I promise I'll give you first punching rights. Even if he killed me too.

[court_chesster]

That's kind of you, but I don't think it would cheer me up, so I'll leave the punching to you. You look like you can throw a pretty good one, anyway.

[alcobrawlic]

... You are absolutely correct.

[court_chesster]

See? There we are. You can probably hit harder than me, so I'll be rooting for you. Follow your heart and smash up that pretty face.

[feminitis]

Oh, for...!

[She's listening in and I'm sorry.]

I already told you I'm the one who brought up your name, idiot! He just carried it out because that damn leg of mine left me less mobile than I needed to be!

Hold a grudge against me if you want to, but don't be a total jackass to him when all he's wanted from the start has been to get everyone out of here!

[court_chesster]

All you've told me is that the two of you are thick as thieves. I guarantee if he'd showed up here first and I'd asked him who made the call, he'd have said it was him.

Besides, I'm the victim here. Do whatever mental gymnastics you want to pretend that's not true because I'm being too meeeeean about it, but you are the last person in the universe who gets to tell me how to act. Just be happy I'm not in a position to do anything about it.