sheriffexe: (the horizon)
sheriff swanson ([personal profile] sheriffexe) wrote2017-03-04 12:06 pm

[ TL;CR MEME ]

THANKS, SHERIFF

elemancy: (pic#11035385)

[personal profile] elemancy 2017-03-05 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
GOD, WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THIS.

There's really no getting around this—Barnham was, hands down, the most important person to Noct in the game. At first, Noctis really wasn't sure what to make of him; he seemed so proper and uptight that he wasn't sure they're really have anything to connect on.

But a prince will be a prince, and a knight will be a knight. The further things went, the more Noct could see the sort of person Barnham was, and there was something dso incredibly admirable about him. They're not really that far apart in age, but Barnham took on a role of being kind of a mentor to him a lot of ways—and honestly, it's what Noctis needed more than anything. Without the chocobros there to ground him, to guide him... he was kind of up the creek without a paddle. Whole Ass is the first time in his life that Noctis didn't have people breathing down his neck to keep him in line, to tell him when he's being an ass, or being selfish, or unreasonable.

Meanwhile, that was one of the first things Barnham ever did, and it set the tone for a level of respect that's somewhat unmatched. There's a reason why Noct drew comparisons to Gladio—the obvious first was the similarity in their duty and sense of it, but the other part of it was a sense of a guidance and assurance. Of course, Gladio is definitely more the papa bear, tough love bro, and Barnham is far more gentle, but even still. This is why, more than anything, Noct trusted him. He believed so wholly in Barnham's sense of duty and wanting to do the right thing. It's exactly why he had a hard time believing that he could be found guilty of treason... and why when Barnham explained his reasons, he knew that what Barnham stood for really was truth and justice.

Which, in a place like this, was something that gave him hope.

But all the same, Barnham ended up being a catalyst for Noct to grow up. Because he had that trust in Barnham, enough to tell him of his past, about Luna, and plenty of other things—when Barnham started to crack, it became a reason for Noct to want to do better. Starting with the week that Lust and Simon were offed, Noct could see the cracks in his armor in a way that Noct wasn't feeling for himself—and even though he really didn't ever find out the whole of those reasons, he wanted to be that support.

It was kind of indirect, but it made the words that Gladio had told him during the Titan event and a lot of the other conversations that came out of the Cartanica chapter really, really stick with him. Things about duty and responsiblity, about what it means to be a king, and about, especially when it comes the people around him. Protecting those people, even if it was at the cost of his life—things and choices Regis would have made, they all started slowly filtering and making sense. He was watching Barnham slowly fall into that pit of despair, and he really didn't know what to do.

That's... honestly the reason why he asked Barnham to be his shield Being his shield gave him a purpose as a knight, and it gave Noct a reason to stay closer to him and try to make sure he was alright beyond the bonds of friendship. A shield, a knight, it may be their duty to protect (and like Gladio had said about like, thinking and taking burdens when Noct himself couldn't), but at the same token, he knows it's a king's job to protect those who serve under him, too. That's why choices like when to send people to battle are important and tactical, because of that—and it was kind of the same here.

If Barnham could just think about supporting him and helping to keep him alive while he tried to find (an impossible) solution, then maybe he would have less reason to despair. It's something he failed on so terribly back home with the Ignis situation, and in a way, he was internally trying to also right the wrongs of how positively shitty he was to his friends (and tangentially, his people) after what happened in Altissia.

It didn't really work, considering what Barnham was going through, but before Barnham had approached, he'd already known a few things. The first was that if Barnham ever faced execution or refused to do his duty as a bandit, Noct wanted to be the one to end his life, so he could die honorably as a knight. The second was that if he had to die, he wanted it to be at Barnham's hand, because he trusted that Barnham would let him die with integrity—as in, not drugging him or dismembering him or whatever. Going into week 7 and his talk with Percy, he was... honestly a bit ready to die. He had a bad feeling about the outcome, and he had an idea that maybe death was the only way out, though he never got around to actually confirming that because he didn't feel like he had any actually proof to back it up.

That was why he was so resigned and completely prepared when Barnham came to him. He wasn't suspicious immediately because it was Wednesday, but he'd gotten to know Barnham well enough to know something was off, and that something was dangerous. So he decided to face it head on, like a king, like what his father had undoubtedly done in like of how Drautos betrayed him.

...He got to die in the same way his father did, betrayed by a person he'd personally tasked with protecting him, and I think to Noctis, it was was strange and poignant, because he was more like his dad as a man than he ever realized up until that point, but in death, he could mull it over and make sense of it. And strangely, though he was accepting of it, the only thing that made him mad, at all, was the fact that Barnham lied to him about what he'd do. If Barnham had even, without telling him the full truth, said that he would do his duty as a bandit rather than give his own life?

Noct probably would have been less upset about it. But the other half of his anger came from the fact that he was also tired of being treated like a person who couldn't handle the truth. He spends all of canon being lied to about why things happen around him and his own purpose in the world, and he'd trusted Barnham with so much that he'd wanted at least that much honest in return; even if he understands that much like why Regis lied when sending him away, he's still a kid in some ways. He can't always handle things like that, he's stubborn and steadfast about it, so lying to him just hurt.

Even when it was for his own good.

Of course, it's ultimately why he forgives Barnham, too. Because he knows that Barnham truly did believe in his ideals, that they stood for the same. That he would have done exactly what Barnham was doing if that was the best option. He still think that Barnham was a good shield, and a good friend—which is why he panicked so much when Barnham tried to suicide his way out of the last man standing.

It's really strange and complicated because he can't entirely forgive the lies although he will with time, but all the same... he's still proud of Barnham for seeing it through, even if he's not sure Barnham really took his advice to walk tall to heart (despite it being the single most important phrase he's ever uttered to Barnham, in his opinion). But all the same, without each and every one of those events, it's unlikely that Noct would have taken the steps towards being ready to face his duty as king; by the end, he could really understand what it meant and what he's meant to do—which is why his final words, his letters and his advice on the train all take on such a different tone.

But with relieving Barnham of those duties, he's really... just really, really happy to have a friend who is so devoted and loyal, so kind and with such convictions for good. He still thinks that Barnham is worthy of being part of his Kingsglaive at the end of the day, even if he has yet to say specifically that much.

HOLY SHIT I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS I NEED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY bye