Okay, let's see! I definitely didn't expect our CR, like, at all I'll be real. Omg.
BUT WITH THAT... Well, overall Russell kind of avoided adults in general! Because we kind of know how uncomfortable they generally tend to make them, and he barely has trust for them at all (ex: his parents, the world that must not be named, it's basically hinted by Info that Russell feels used/betrayed by Kantera, Mireille).
But funny enough, Sara felt very... Yumi-esque to Russell! If he had to compare her to anyone he actually knows. Though, this is after he got to know her better. So I'll come back to this.
OK FIRST OF ALL... FIRST OF ALL!! Russell was really scared being in the stocks because after week 4 he started feeling very stressed and guilty about things. Honestly, I wasn't expecting someone like Sara to come and kill him -- he just... Couldn't be upset in anyway at Sara, really, because he also knew how the bandit role worked, and he was ready to accept death so... Yeah. That's just that. After being bombarded by the trial, taking the medicine he got as a reward, and nightmares he just wanted to be put out of his misery. Also, he found out upon waking up on the train he wasn't 100% dead, so uhh... There went his expectations of death.
He finally got to mellow out a bit, think about stuff, not be surrounded by his guilt, nightmares, ect for a tad bit as he waited for Sara. Still, as much as he liked Barnham at the time, he was still wary about other adults. Sara being kind and warm towards him, almost like a mother, made him kind of realize that Sara might not be a bad person, if she's acting like this to him. Still, he didn't have a lot of faith, still so sure that adults are dirty liars who only care for themselves.
But! She actually did confess, and he was pretty surprised. It honestly racked up a lot of trust points for Russell? He still thought she shouldn't have died because she killed someone that's as awful as Russell but hanging out on the train with Sara; he definitely had a lot of time to learn about Sara and he just..... Really came to love her? Like at this point, he didn't really care he "died", it was just nice to be around someone that was just caring and motherly because he was so deprived of good adult figures in his life he finally felt at least some sort of comfort he could cling onto when he got upset (which is why he probably followed her around a lot and clung to her when something upset him while they were still on the train lolgfdsgfd).
But yeah, like I said. She reminded Russell of Yumi, who he absolutely adores and still feels awful because he couldn't protect her from his dad. Sara is strong, and caring -- she knew something was up with Russell's life and tried to care about him even if it wasn't her business at all. So! He's definitely going to try to make things a lil right, try to become stronger and make sure he can defend himself - protect the people he loves, and maybe learn not to ruin people's lives. Sara's support is going to help him so much and I just... Adore it so much... Gosh.
Okay, like I said with Sara, in the first paragraph... There are the reasons why Russell is really wary around adults so there's that first. Those are deeefinitely the same exact reasons why Russell was just *squints* at Barnham. He didn't actively avoid him due to mistrust, but being around adults just make him nervous...
Well, maybe until he started poking his nose into Russell's problems a bit. He didn't know exactly why! Russell was about preeetty ready to off himself in the beginning of the game because he kept thinking about how "well we're suppose to die in this game, might as well get it over with" and thinking about how if he lived, he would go back to the rehab center, continue the experiment, and then be executed because he was pretty hopeless about being successful anyway. So he was just... Ready to die, honestly. So yeah, hope. I think that's a good word/theme that describes Barnham's and Russell's relationship!
At the church, when Russell was reading about how suicide disqualifies you, while thinking about offing himself... Barnham came to him and started preaching about hope. Russell was pretty confused, didn't care for it, paid it no mind really. He questioned him a bit out of curiousity, but that's just it. He just... Didn't care because... He just couldn't feel hope at all because he kept thinking about the awful world he had to return to.
But! Yeah, Barnham kept prodding at Russell, and that's why he decided to spill some beans about his life. It's mostly because Barnham seemed nice, at least wasn't straight up calling him garbage, or a deranged maniac like the people at the rehab center. The fact that he approached Russell a second time to talk to him made Russell go "maybe I can talk to him", except Russell wasn't entirely truthful. He was still terrified admitting he was a murderer to a lot of people. He also kind of thought "hey, if I told this guy why my life sucked ass and why I wanted to die maybe he'll stop talking about whatever the fuck hope is" but hey. He kept... Supporting Russell and trying to comfort him and get to the bottom of his emotion problems?
For the most part, Barnham was in the a-ok adult category for awhile! Russell started to worry about him when he started becoming stress at all the murders, but it confused him more than worry him actually? Because it's like, this guy talks about hope so much, so why is he acting like this! After he started getting a grasp on guilt, suffering from his nightmares around week 4 he just really wanted that same support Barnham gave him around week 1-2! Which is why he started coming to him more because... Maybe, just maybe he'll say something that'll make Russell feel better.
Then he thought, maybe he can do the same for barnham, but eh. Russell's pretty bad at being supportive, but he tried his best. He felt bad when Lust died but he didn't know why (it's called feeling, Russell). Though, that was definitely a big step of Russell's care about Barnham.
But overall the more genuinely supportive Barnham was to Russell the more he cared about him! The more he really looked up to him and wanted more of that support because, like I said in Sara's post as well, he was so deprived of supportive, loving adult figures. If you play/LP End roll you'll literally learn how awful his parents are... Jfc.
AND MAN! Seeing Barnham go through SO MUCH while Russell was on the train hurt him so bad. He was going through so much, Russell was confused but upset. Actually, to be honest, Russell is still confused as to why Barnham did what he did to end the game, but at least came to a conclusion it was to help... Even so, Russell is very interested in learning about justice, honour, and hope and other knightly-ish things from Barnham! He thinks with Barnham's and Sara's help he can at least become a better person, and he honest to god will try since they were just so supportive. Russell wants to become strong and also support Sara and Barnham (look, he knows they can like fight for themselves but let him have this)! He knows he still has a lot to learn, he has to learn about his emotions, why he feels like [x] in certain situations, and also not become afraid and want to murder things when he feels an Emotion. But yeah? He's so thankful for it... Soon, he'll just accidentally slip up and call them both mom and dad some day. and it'll be hilarious.
He didn't really like Shinnosuke at first? He thought he was kind of, uh, mean (obviously). But you know, he's 14 and Russell can also become really done with shit like really fast. Shinnosuke actually brought out that side more than anyone else because shinnosuke was just shinnosuke.
Russell's really bad at dealing with people like Shinnosuke so his opinion of him is just ?? ?? ?? ? what???? Why is he doing this??? Stop that??
So first he didn't like him but he just kind of learned Shinnosuke is just like that, so Russell just... Was like, "okay. i guess". He just kind of settled in the a-ok category. Shinnosuke is just weird to him. His sarcasm definitely still confuses him a lot, but it just started to not faze him.
But secretly Russell can be really sassy and a troublemaker so, he's like 100% down to pull him off to pizza parties, or maybe do anything to make him go "why" just because he thinks its kind of funny... LMFAO
Russell didn't know Milla that well, he didn't really know what to categorize her as. She was older than him..?? Sort of an adult, right?? Maybe? Russell thought she was kind of weird, but she wasn't too scary.
So, overall Russell's opinion of Milla was honestly just "eh", until week 5!
But of course, Russell was going through a lot during that time, and then he was in the stocks. He didn't know Milla that well, so he was genuinely confused why Milla came to the sleepover? But also the thoughts of "I'm a murderer, they shouldn't be here to protect me, they should just let me die" were going through his head while he was in the stocks lmfao....
He was too afraid to admit he killed annabeth ... Or the 8 people in his homeworld ... But he was a little? Touched? Maybe. Milla's words were really kind, he can't deny that.
I guess what really mattered is that Milla didn't really kick his ass or turn her back on him after she died and they found each other on the train again! He was pretty terrified that Milla would hate him for being a murderer, and the fact she protected a murderer that night and that also cost Yuna her life so..!!
MILLA IS IN THE "GOOD PERSON" CATEGORY FOR RUSSELL. Congrats. Would eat food with her again when he actually has an appetite (which should probably not be an issue now since he's going to a better home, bless).
I did it. Okay, now that I got that shitpost out of the way I gotta do this first ---
OKAY SO LET ME TELL YOU HOW AFRAID RUSSELL IS ABOUT FEELINGS. So Russell is like really afraid of them, in End Roll they call it the fear of the unknowable. Russell grew up with literally no kindness in his world because his parents didn't love them at all. He literally felt guilty being alive because his mother always said he was a mistake, and shouldn't have been born. Therefore... Anything that is considered kind or beautiful... Russell's fear turns that into aggression. So yeah, he's killed people because they showed him kindness... but in the end it just made him upset and jealous because he never had stuff like that in his life, so in the end his aggression + bloodlust kind of, uh, got them killed.
So, Yuna was like?? SO NICE TO RUSSELL IT REALLY TERRIFIED HIM! She kept talking about heroes and being his friend, and stuff like that. Remember in his diary how he wrote, if heroes existed, wouldn't one have helped him long ago? When Yuna first introduced herself as a hero he just... Literally couldn't believe she was one because he was literally so miserable and upset that no one helped him before that he thought it was, well, a load of bullshit. But you know, he joined the club because she insisted, but overall he didn't care.
So... Yeah. When week three rolled around and he was bandit he was basically thinking, well if she IS a hero, she should certainly survive if I tried to kill her! You know, because that's how his brain works. But nah, the sheriff said no. So, Russell didn't, but honestly, if the sheriff didn't intervene... Uhm he would've definitely killed Yuna.
BUT MAN... THANK GOD FOR THAT ACTUALLY!
So, after killing Annabeth, Russell got his happy dream medicine as a reward. He missed his "friends" in his dreams so much he wanted to visit them -- except the dreams began tearing up because he started to learn more guilt, and the stress of Whole Ass was getting to him. He started having nightmares and man. He was stressed dude.
But Yuna!! WAS SO NICE TO HIM!!! HOLY SHIT! He came to realize that... She's a person that he has a chance with. He could try to be her friend and maybe not ruin her life because he killed her due to being afraid. And her kindness was just so genuine, when he was having a stressful time after week 4, and throughout week 5 it just felt so supportive, and he never really had that in his life, at all.
Like.. Man. Buddy.
He loves Yuna? Like, one of Russell's first, true, genuine friends in Whole ass probably! He grew to like her so much, even maybe that... She is a hero, maybe not like the kinds he thinks about that are in video games, but you know. A good person. That's why he showed her his diary because he felt that she needed to at least know the truth... Also he was genuine curious to see if she would hate him for being a murderer, but overall, he just thought that she had to know. But nah, she still forgave Russell? And gave him support? Unlike.... Compared when he confessed to the police, they just locked him up, threw him into rehab, called him garbage and forced him to do this experiment or he'll die.
So
uh
He loves Yuna??? Hello? They have to be inter-dimensional pen pals because he'll talk about his new life with Sara and Barnham and how he's slowly learning feelings instead of stabbing them away.
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Okay, let's see! I definitely didn't expect our CR, like, at all I'll be real. Omg.
BUT WITH THAT... Well, overall Russell kind of avoided adults in general! Because we kind of know how uncomfortable they generally tend to make them, and he barely has trust for them at all (ex: his parents, the world that must not be named, it's basically hinted by Info that Russell feels used/betrayed by Kantera, Mireille).
But funny enough, Sara felt very... Yumi-esque to Russell! If he had to compare her to anyone he actually knows. Though, this is after he got to know her better. So I'll come back to this.
OK FIRST OF ALL... FIRST OF ALL!! Russell was really scared being in the stocks because after week 4 he started feeling very stressed and guilty about things. Honestly, I wasn't expecting someone like Sara to come and kill him -- he just... Couldn't be upset in anyway at Sara, really, because he also knew how the bandit role worked, and he was ready to accept death so... Yeah. That's just that. After being bombarded by the trial, taking the medicine he got as a reward, and nightmares he just wanted to be put out of his misery. Also, he found out upon waking up on the train he wasn't 100% dead, so uhh... There went his expectations of death.
He finally got to mellow out a bit, think about stuff, not be surrounded by his guilt, nightmares, ect for a tad bit as he waited for Sara. Still, as much as he liked Barnham at the time, he was still wary about other adults. Sara being kind and warm towards him, almost like a mother, made him kind of realize that Sara might not be a bad person, if she's acting like this to him. Still, he didn't have a lot of faith, still so sure that adults are dirty liars who only care for themselves.
But! She actually did confess, and he was pretty surprised. It honestly racked up a lot of trust points for Russell? He still thought she shouldn't have died because she killed someone that's as awful as Russell but hanging out on the train with Sara; he definitely had a lot of time to learn about Sara and he just..... Really came to love her? Like at this point, he didn't really care he "died", it was just nice to be around someone that was just caring and motherly because he was so deprived of good adult figures in his life he finally felt at least some sort of comfort he could cling onto when he got upset (which is why he probably followed her around a lot and clung to her when something upset him while they were still on the train lolgfdsgfd).
But yeah, like I said. She reminded Russell of Yumi, who he absolutely adores and still feels awful because he couldn't protect her from his dad. Sara is strong, and caring -- she knew something was up with Russell's life and tried to care about him even if it wasn't her business at all. So! He's definitely going to try to make things a lil right, try to become stronger and make sure he can defend himself - protect the people he loves, and maybe learn not to ruin people's lives. Sara's support is going to help him so much and I just... Adore it so much... Gosh.
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Okay, like I said with Sara, in the first paragraph... There are the reasons why Russell is really wary around adults so there's that first. Those are deeefinitely the same exact reasons why Russell was just *squints* at Barnham. He didn't actively avoid him due to mistrust, but being around adults just make him nervous...
Well, maybe until he started poking his nose into Russell's problems a bit. He didn't know exactly why! Russell was about preeetty ready to off himself in the beginning of the game because he kept thinking about how "well we're suppose to die in this game, might as well get it over with" and thinking about how if he lived, he would go back to the rehab center, continue the experiment, and then be executed because he was pretty hopeless about being successful anyway. So he was just... Ready to die, honestly. So yeah, hope. I think that's a good word/theme that describes Barnham's and Russell's relationship!
At the church, when Russell was reading about how suicide disqualifies you, while thinking about offing himself... Barnham came to him and started preaching about hope. Russell was pretty confused, didn't care for it, paid it no mind really. He questioned him a bit out of curiousity, but that's just it. He just... Didn't care because... He just couldn't feel hope at all because he kept thinking about the awful world he had to return to.
But! Yeah, Barnham kept prodding at Russell, and that's why he decided to spill some beans about his life. It's mostly because Barnham seemed nice, at least wasn't straight up calling him garbage, or a deranged maniac like the people at the rehab center. The fact that he approached Russell a second time to talk to him made Russell go "maybe I can talk to him", except Russell wasn't entirely truthful. He was still terrified admitting he was a murderer to a lot of people. He also kind of thought "hey, if I told this guy why my life sucked ass and why I wanted to die maybe he'll stop talking about whatever the fuck hope is" but hey. He kept... Supporting Russell and trying to comfort him and get to the bottom of his emotion problems?
For the most part, Barnham was in the a-ok adult category for awhile! Russell started to worry about him when he started becoming stress at all the murders, but it confused him more than worry him actually? Because it's like, this guy talks about hope so much, so why is he acting like this! After he started getting a grasp on guilt, suffering from his nightmares around week 4 he just really wanted that same support Barnham gave him around week 1-2! Which is why he started coming to him more because... Maybe, just maybe he'll say something that'll make Russell feel better.
Then he thought, maybe he can do the same for barnham, but eh. Russell's pretty bad at being supportive, but he tried his best. He felt bad when Lust died but he didn't know why (it's called feeling, Russell). Though, that was definitely a big step of Russell's care about Barnham.
But overall the more genuinely supportive Barnham was to Russell the more he cared about him! The more he really looked up to him and wanted more of that support because, like I said in Sara's post as well, he was so deprived of supportive, loving adult figures. If you play/LP End roll you'll literally learn how awful his parents are... Jfc.
AND MAN! Seeing Barnham go through SO MUCH while Russell was on the train hurt him so bad. He was going through so much, Russell was confused but upset. Actually, to be honest, Russell is still confused as to why Barnham did what he did to end the game, but at least came to a conclusion it was to help... Even so, Russell is very interested in learning about justice, honour, and hope and other knightly-ish things from Barnham! He thinks with Barnham's and Sara's help he can at least become a better person, and he honest to god will try since they were just so supportive. Russell wants to become strong and also support Sara and Barnham (look, he knows they can like fight for themselves but let him have this)! He knows he still has a lot to learn, he has to learn about his emotions, why he feels like [x] in certain situations, and also not become afraid and want to murder things when he feels an Emotion. But yeah? He's so thankful for it... Soon, he'll just accidentally slip up and call them both mom and dad some day. and it'll be hilarious.
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SHINNOSUKE IS.. IN THE A-OK CATEGORY FOR RUSSELL!
He didn't really like Shinnosuke at first? He thought he was kind of, uh, mean (obviously). But you know, he's 14 and Russell can also become really done with shit like really fast. Shinnosuke actually brought out that side more than anyone else because shinnosuke was just shinnosuke.
Russell's really bad at dealing with people like Shinnosuke so his opinion of him is just ?? ?? ?? ? what???? Why is he doing this??? Stop that??
So first he didn't like him but he just kind of learned Shinnosuke is just like that, so Russell just... Was like, "okay. i guess". He just kind of settled in the a-ok category. Shinnosuke is just weird to him. His sarcasm definitely still confuses him a lot, but it just started to not faze him.
But secretly Russell can be really sassy and a troublemaker so, he's like 100% down to pull him off to pizza parties, or maybe do anything to make him go "why" just because he thinks its kind of funny... LMFAO
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Russell didn't know Milla that well, he didn't really know what to categorize her as. She was older than him..?? Sort of an adult, right?? Maybe? Russell thought she was kind of weird, but she wasn't too scary.
So, overall Russell's opinion of Milla was honestly just "eh", until week 5!
But of course, Russell was going through a lot during that time, and then he was in the stocks. He didn't know Milla that well, so he was genuinely confused why Milla came to the sleepover? But also the thoughts of "I'm a murderer, they shouldn't be here to protect me, they should just let me die" were going through his head while he was in the stocks lmfao....
He was too afraid to admit he killed annabeth ... Or the 8 people in his homeworld ... But he was a little? Touched? Maybe. Milla's words were really kind, he can't deny that.
I guess what really mattered is that Milla didn't really kick his ass or turn her back on him after she died and they found each other on the train again! He was pretty terrified that Milla would hate him for being a murderer, and the fact she protected a murderer that night and that also cost Yuna her life so..!!
MILLA IS IN THE "GOOD PERSON" CATEGORY FOR RUSSELL. Congrats. Would eat food with her again when he actually has an appetite (which should probably not be an issue now since he's going to a better home, bless).
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this almost happened, demu
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I did it. Okay, now that I got that shitpost out of the way I gotta do this first ---
OKAY SO LET ME TELL YOU HOW AFRAID RUSSELL IS ABOUT FEELINGS. So Russell is like really afraid of them, in End Roll they call it the fear of the unknowable. Russell grew up with literally no kindness in his world because his parents didn't love them at all. He literally felt guilty being alive because his mother always said he was a mistake, and shouldn't have been born. Therefore... Anything that is considered kind or beautiful... Russell's fear turns that into aggression. So yeah, he's killed people because they showed him kindness... but in the end it just made him upset and jealous because he never had stuff like that in his life, so in the end his aggression + bloodlust kind of, uh, got them killed.
So, Yuna was like?? SO NICE TO RUSSELL IT REALLY TERRIFIED HIM! She kept talking about heroes and being his friend, and stuff like that. Remember in his diary how he wrote, if heroes existed, wouldn't one have helped him long ago? When Yuna first introduced herself as a hero he just... Literally couldn't believe she was one because he was literally so miserable and upset that no one helped him before that he thought it was, well, a load of bullshit. But you know, he joined the club because she insisted, but overall he didn't care.
So... Yeah. When week three rolled around and he was bandit he was basically thinking, well if she IS a hero, she should certainly survive if I tried to kill her! You know, because that's how his brain works. But nah, the sheriff said no. So, Russell didn't, but honestly, if the sheriff didn't intervene... Uhm he would've definitely killed Yuna.
BUT MAN... THANK GOD FOR THAT ACTUALLY!
So, after killing Annabeth, Russell got his happy dream medicine as a reward. He missed his "friends" in his dreams so much he wanted to visit them -- except the dreams began tearing up because he started to learn more guilt, and the stress of Whole Ass was getting to him. He started having nightmares and man. He was stressed dude.
But Yuna!! WAS SO NICE TO HIM!!! HOLY SHIT! He came to realize that... She's a person that he has a chance with. He could try to be her friend and maybe not ruin her life because he killed her due to being afraid. And her kindness was just so genuine, when he was having a stressful time after week 4, and throughout week 5 it just felt so supportive, and he never really had that in his life, at all.
Like.. Man. Buddy.
He loves Yuna? Like, one of Russell's first, true, genuine friends in Whole ass probably! He grew to like her so much, even maybe that... She is a hero, maybe not like the kinds he thinks about that are in video games, but you know. A good person. That's why he showed her his diary because he felt that she needed to at least know the truth... Also he was genuine curious to see if she would hate him for being a murderer, but overall, he just thought that she had to know. But nah, she still forgave Russell? And gave him support? Unlike.... Compared when he confessed to the police, they just locked him up, threw him into rehab, called him garbage and forced him to do this experiment or he'll die.
So
uh
He loves Yuna??? Hello? They have to be inter-dimensional pen pals because he'll talk about his new life with Sara and Barnham and how he's slowly learning feelings instead of stabbing them away.